HANGRY

I have a real problem. 

It comes about every time I haven't shoved, inhaled, or smothered food in or on my face in the last four hours. 

Us Jenkins refer to it simply as being HANGRY.

This is when I get so hungry that I become angry.

I think angry might even be an understatement....

My tolerance for stupidity reaches -50, where I no longer am just passive about people being stupid, but I now feel a desire to high five them, in the face, with a chair, for being SOOO smart. 

If you ever have experienced me in this state of mind, I apologize. 

Just slap me in the face with a quesadilla and I'll be fine. 

I still won't be able to fix you stupidity, however. 

Just simply overlook it. 

Shoe Crimes

I don't know what my problem is but the first thing I notice about any man, woman, or living figure, are their shoes. 

Well maybe not the first thing. I probably notice their eyes first, then the shoes. 

Either way, men need to understand that their shoes DO say a lot about them. 

For example:

Yes these are comfortable, and a child in Africa will get a pair, but it really isn't worth it for the judgments placed on the boys that wear these. 

Even girls who wear these when there is three feet of snow outside are struggling. 

Have fun getting trench foot. 

I personally can't justify spending $60+ on a pair of "shoes" that I see everyone's toes falling out of. 

Just last night I was at the gym and I saw this guy working out, getting ripped, lifting some serious iron, you know the usual. 

I looked down and he is wearing TOMS. 

Really? 

I didn't say anything, for all I know he was in Africa without shoes and toms saved his life. So now he has decided to try a modeling career for urban outfitters. 

Good luck with that hipster.

I wouldn't be shocked if I saw him leave wearing a scarf and carrying a murse. 

Oh the New Balances 623s. Trusted since 1974! But also haven't changed since 1974.....

 These make a statement all by themselves. 

Whenever I see these shoes I immediately think of my dad. He had three different pairs of these exact shoes. One pair was green from mowing the lawn, and the other two were a little less warn down. 

My dad swore by these shoes, but if you are under the age of 50 I strongly encourage you to lock these up, burn them, or donate them to your local senior citizen home. 

I don't know what it is about male BYU students, especially, but it is daily that I see a young man with a button down shirt, nice slacks, and these shoes. 

NOT OK.

I get it if you are actually doing something active, like hunting wild beasts. 

But, this is 2012. We have reached the stage where we have running shoes that are attractive. 

I must admit though, when I see a BYU student wearing these I know he is a solid guy. Something about the white of the shoes just makes them seem more spiritual. 

IT IS FUNNY CAUSE IT IS TRUE.

I must admit, I am a sucker for a guy in Sperry's. 

They are so nautical.

These are simple yet classy. 

I'm a fan. 

I wear them myself and I love them. 

With the right pants, these look DAAANG good. 

However, the responsibility that comes with owning these shoes is quite big.

I suggest often staring out into the sky so people think you are trying to measure and enjoy the blueness, swaying as if you are on a rocky boat,constantly checking the direction of the wind, and carrying a mister so that you can experience the sea breeze in any location. 

I would have to say the absolute no no for a guy to wear are solid white Nike's. Every time I see a guy wearing them I instantly associate them with these wonderful people that have contributed so much to our society.

The rumor on the playground is that The Situation is in rehab somewhere around BYU. Everytime I go to Gold's Gym I look for him at the Tanning place next door. Sadly, I haven't been graced by his guido-ness.

I do get graced with many other real winners sporting these shoes. 

I guess my conclusion is stereotypes exist for a reason. If you don't want to be associated with them, then don't wear the same shoes as them.

THE END. 

Fiddle Faddle, Quater Pounders, and Corn Dogs

My dad, Vonn Jess Jenkins, was the king of finding something he likes and sticking to it.

 Sticking to it might actually be an understatement. 

It is more like he found something he liked and then beat it to a pulp until there was nothing left in it to discover. 

His three most famous facets were:

Fiddle Faddle

Quarter Pounders with Cheese

and Corn Dogs

Random? 

EXTREMELY.

There were never intertwined or overlapped. 

Each of these foods took up a good four month chunk of his "diet."

No one appreciates food more than me. 

It isn't just food though. 

It has to be delicious food. 

My personal favorite meal, hands down, that will get my taste buds 

dancing every time is...

Mac a Roo 'n Cheese from Outback

Me and my dad are alike in many ways, but he took this to an all new extreme. 

It was almost nightly that he would be laying on the couch watching Food Network thinking of things to sooth his pallet. 

Then, he would yell out. "who wants to do me a favor?"
If I was in my room, he would keep yelling until I came out. sometimes he would even let out one of his piercing whistles.
The next line would be, "will you go get me (insert current craving)?"
He would always say it as if he hadn't had a glass of water in 5 months though.
I would most likely say no, due to the fact I couldn't drive.
Then he would say one of two things:
"I will give you all the money in my wallet." (knowing he didn't have any)
or
"Fine, I will remember this next time you ask me to do something for you."

Either way, I knew that in five minutes I would be on my way to either Mcdonalds or Scolaris, our local grocery store that happened to have really good corn dogs and fiddle faddle.

My dad was stalwart.
Unchanging in his opinions, and morals.
He was the type of person who you couldn't argue with because no matter how right you knew you were, he would somehow convince you that he was right and by the end you would both be arguing the same point.

He coined the phrase "don't ya go changing" in our house.
I rarely walked out the front door without my dad yelling this, and my brother yelling
"protect your carnal treasure!"

I made lots of friends.

My dad did have lots of friends though. He was the guy that everyone thought was his best friend, but only he knew who his really good friends were.


He has been a great example of being who you are, and loving it.

So to you dad, I title my blog "Don't You Go Changing."

Barbie Roller Skates

For most children, becoming potty trained is something to be proud of..... not for me. My experience of learning this common everyday practice was quite the opposite.

For the record: This is how I remember the story/ how it has been told me. It probably isn't one hundred percent accurate. 

So my brother, Jesse, thought it would be funny to teach me how to use the toilet. That's not the funny part, the funny part is that he taught me to sit backwards on the toilet. This wasn't a problem, and my mother wasn't aware of this problem until one day when I was wearing my BARBIE ROLLER SKATES. 

They looked exactly like these. 

I loved these skates with all my heart. 

I wasn't the most coordinated child in the world, however. So, to counter act my lack of skill  I would roller skate inside on our carpet. That way when I fell I wouldn't get hurt. I was a smart kid. 

So anyway, One day before I commenced my usual skating, I decided to wheel myself right into my bathroom. I popped a squat on my toilet, only I was backwards, and not all the way on. 

Problem?

Yes. 

I was completely unaware of this until I got up and couldn't seem to keep my balance. 

Me+ lack of coordination+barbie roller skates+the problem on the floor= 

me slipping multiple times into the mess and unfortunately getting it all over me. 

My mom heard the commotion coming from the bathroom and came rushing in.

When she tried to do the math, she couldn't add it up. 

I can't remember the look on her face, but I can imagine it looked something like this.

 

She asked me what happened and when she heard my brother laughing hysterically from the hall, I think it all became clear. 

This is why I blame you, Jesse Jenkins, for all of my weird obscurities. 

Don't worry. I have learned to sit the right way.