Barbie Roller Skates

For most children, becoming potty trained is something to be proud of..... not for me. My experience of learning this common everyday practice was quite the opposite.

For the record: This is how I remember the story/ how it has been told me. It probably isn't one hundred percent accurate. 

So my brother, Jesse, thought it would be funny to teach me how to use the toilet. That's not the funny part, the funny part is that he taught me to sit backwards on the toilet. This wasn't a problem, and my mother wasn't aware of this problem until one day when I was wearing my BARBIE ROLLER SKATES. 

They looked exactly like these. 

I loved these skates with all my heart. 

I wasn't the most coordinated child in the world, however. So, to counter act my lack of skill  I would roller skate inside on our carpet. That way when I fell I wouldn't get hurt. I was a smart kid. 

So anyway, One day before I commenced my usual skating, I decided to wheel myself right into my bathroom. I popped a squat on my toilet, only I was backwards, and not all the way on. 

Problem?

Yes. 

I was completely unaware of this until I got up and couldn't seem to keep my balance. 

Me+ lack of coordination+barbie roller skates+the problem on the floor= 

me slipping multiple times into the mess and unfortunately getting it all over me. 

My mom heard the commotion coming from the bathroom and came rushing in.

When she tried to do the math, she couldn't add it up. 

I can't remember the look on her face, but I can imagine it looked something like this.

 

She asked me what happened and when she heard my brother laughing hysterically from the hall, I think it all became clear. 

This is why I blame you, Jesse Jenkins, for all of my weird obscurities. 

Don't worry. I have learned to sit the right way.