guess who's back

Sorry to my two fans, Will and Susanna, for not updating this in a while.

I know how incomplete your life has been since my last post about stalkers. 

Rejoice now though. 

I am dedicating this post to BYU.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO COLD? 

I have to leave my apartment at 7:40 every morning.

Not once has it been above 10 degrees. 

My nose hairs freeze. 

I can't even describe what this feels like, you will know when it is happening to you though.

To prove how miserable this is....

My hair was actually frozen.

The cold really makes me upset. No one smiles on campus or says hello like in the warmer months, everyone is just mad. 

However, I can't deny I am a BYU fan, and will be a BYU fan for life. 

Wow, I was an attractive child. 

Don't know why my mother let me leave the house like this, but she is the best mom in the world for allowing it.

She is also the best mom in the world for making sure this picture of my sister exists:

Love you Elizabarf.

She is famous- see! Click here.

BYU DATING

I found this through one of my coworkers. IT IS THE MOST ENTERTAINING STORY EVER. It is super long but as soon as you start reading you will get sucked in. There are a couple of things that I don't completely buy it, but it is still scary. Read it and let me know what you think. I don't know any of the people and I believe the names have been changed. I read the original post on eastercloset.com.

The sad thing is.. this girl will still probably get married before me. 

Title of the Facebook post: 

Apology for Stalking

My dearest friend, 

I'm making this public for a couple reasons. First, I'm not sure how many people you've told, and secondly, I've lost track of how many people I've mentioned this to. I wanted to attempt to include as many people as possible in the reconciliation process. I also want to publicly apologize to all parties who may have been hurt by my actions. These injured parties may or may not include your roommates, your best friend, your younger sister, your ex-girlfriend, and your boss, who I firmly believe has lost a fabulous employee.

Although my actions undoubtedly got way out of hand and cannot be excused in any way, I do want to help you understand my side of the story. 

First off, I didn't mean to stalk you. It was totally an accident at the beginning, and as ridiculous as that might sound, it's true. That first day of class, when you sat next to me and started asking random questions, I was blown away by how nice you were. I'd had a horrible morning and you were the first person all morning who smiled at me when you said hello. You were pretty excited when you mentioned your blog to me, so I looked it up. And you really do have a beautiful mind. The way you wrote was so eloquent and profound that I couldn't stop reading. I'm very opinionated, and I wanted you to appreciate the depth of my thought and be attracted to me, which explains why I left as many comments as I did. Also, I didn't read all 2 1/2 years of archived posts to deliberately be a creeper. I just wasn't paying attention to the dates. I didn't think it would creep you out that much. 

On your blog, you mentioned a variety of projects that were exciting to me, so I looked them up. We actually have a lot in common. Once I'd signed up for a couple of cool things that fit in my schedule, I was curious about what else you had done that hadn't made it onto your blog. So I Googled you. Again, I wasn't trying to be a creeper, I was sincerely curious. 

I know you didn't tell me your last name, but between Blackboard's emailing option and hints in your blog, it was easy to find you on facebook. In my defense, I had no way of knowing that your little sister had hacked your facebook and accepted all the pending friend requests that you'd been ignoring. Also, it was my understanding that if you posted something online, it was there to be viewed/read/commented on. I understand now that assuming you wanted me to learn about you at all, you'd probably prefer that I learn FROM you. Also, please forgive me for saving your picture on my phone as my new background. You weren't meant to see that. I was inspired by everything you'd done, and I wanted to remember every day that everyday people can accomplish anything they put their minds to. 

I admit that when you wouldn't sit next to or even look at me in class anymore, I was rather put out. I didn't want to just slip out of your life. You asked me how I came to know your roommate Jason, and the honest-to-goodness truth is that... It was easy to figure out who your roommates were via facebook. I waited until I saw that they were attending a cool open-attendance party, which I then went to. So I did meet him at that party, but it was kind of on purpose.

About a week later, my best friend stole my phone to text some guy she wanted to set me up with. When she saw my wallpaper, she demanded to know who you were. It's a girl thing. She was in the middle of asking questions when my roommate got home, and I had to start the story all over again. By this time, my best friend was convinced I was madly in love with you (I wasn't, I just appreciated you) and she thought it was cute. My roommate pointed out that it was slightly stalkerish. I argued that I didn't think it was abnormally creepy and felt like there were tons of things I hadn't done that would be significantly creeper and on the psychopathic side of socially unaware.

She dared me to prove it. She insisted that I was, in fact, already very creepy and couldn't possibly be stalking you any more unless I actually followed you around all day. She dared me to try. To indemnify my actions thus far, I accepted the challenge. I want to point out that this was all in good fun and meant on the same level of a fabulous April Fool's Day joke. That's all it was intended to be. 

And we had rules. We were ethical about it. I wasn't allowed to literally follow you around... I had to be careful and calculating. I wasn't allowed to go in restricted areas like employee only places. I wasn't allowed to go inside your apartment uninvited. I wasn't allowed to dawdle longer than 5 minutes. Our scoring system worked something like this: Pictures were proof. 1 point for photo of you outside. 2 points if you were indoors. 3 points if you were inside a classroom, and 5 points if you were with another girl. Other points were awarded at random for unspecified creepiness, like viewing your parent's house from satellite on google maps. I had to earn a minimum of 20 points per week or I lost all my creepiness points. 

At this point, I think we can all agree that I needed a life. I wasn't even good at stalking. My form was terrible... I was way too obvious, and it caused you undue alarm at an early stage. I know I shouldn't have stalked you, but since I was going to, I should have looked your schedule up on BYU's online directory right off, instead of asking you about it. I'm sorry that this semester you felt the need to adjust your entire schedule the day before the add-drop deadline. I'm sure that was a tremendous inconvenience. 

And I'd like to explain why I was so frustrated about you dating Fuluquethra. You might recall that you met her through me. The background story is that I met Fuluquethra one day in the cafeteria. She reminded me in many ways of myself, but in an immature, unambitious, socially overwhelming kind of way. She even looked a lot like me, but she was a little heavier and in the middle of a horrible case of acne. I recognized her right away as the perfect wing-man, because she was easy to compare to me but obviously inferior... Thus making me look better. I made friends with her and asked her if she could help me get the attention of a guy I liked. She thought it was funny and was willing to help a fellow female. 

So she came with me to that party, and was instructed to flirt with you in obnoxious, overly flirty ways. The idea was that when you started to get annoyed, I could come in, start up an intelligent conversation and you would hopefully be more attracted to me by virtue of comparison... It would help you to realize what you'd been missing out on. I did not foresee that you would be attracted to Fuluquethra. I figured you'd be easily annoyed by the shallow interaction. I assumed you'd know that you deserved better. When you started flirting back, I was hurt and confused and frustrated, so I just left the party. I earned 20 creepiness points for that episode, but that's when it stopped being fun. 

The next day, I was about to run into you as you were coming out of class, but I saw you up ahead... You noticed a group of boys sarcastically cat-calling to an unattractive girl walking past, and you got mad at them. You chewed them out for a really long time, even using some words that surprised me. I was profoundly proud of you for the way you'd stuck up for the girl. At the same time, I realized that the way you'd done it wasn't what I would have expected. I had created an image of you in my mind that I realized wasn't necessarily accurate. I had put you on a pedestal where you could do no wrong. That moment, combined with what had happened yesterday, helped me realize that I was wrong. 

It confused me. I realized I needed to correct the false image, and if I just cut off contact altogether, I would never remember you for who you really were. I stopped taking photos (unless it was a cute or genuinely funny moment) and I tried to see you as a person. I worked hard to understand you better, which was hard, because the more time I spent around you, the more I realized how much time you spent around Fuluquethra, and the less I understood you. But this phase definitely had the advantage that once I tried to understand your feelings, I realized that you were getting irritated by me, so I started being quieter about stalking you. I also started doing some kind anonymous things for you, like that time you woke up in the morning and your car was washed and waxed. Or when you went to grab your clothes from the dryer at the laundromat and found them already folded. I didn't want you to know that the little things I did were from me, because I knew you'd be awkward about it, but I wanted to make you happy.

When you and Fuluquethra officially started dating, I was scared that you would make me go away, and I still had myths about you that I wanted to debunk. Also, my heart ached for you, because it was so obvious to everyone else that Fuluquethra was not the right kind of girl for you. Your best friend had been trying to get my attention for a while, so I let him think I liked him back, and I agreed to date him because then you couldn't make me go away without hurting your best friend's feelings, which I knew you would never do.

Finally, I'm not sure you ever got the whole story about that problem with your boss. I went into work to see if you were there, and you weren't, but I ended up getting into an argument with your boss. He was really mean. He said some horrible things about you, about me, and then lifted Fuluquethra above both of us as if she was perfect and we were scum. When I got sick of him yelling at me, I went home. No one was home to talk to, but I needed to vent, so I opened my laptop and posted a status that said, "Bossy McBossPants is the biggest jerk I've ever met in my life! Why doesn't that pedophile go date Fuluquethra himself if he thinks that demon spawn is such an angel?" Once it was posted, I turned off the computer, turned off my phone, and went for a pamper session at the spa. I shouldn't have done it, but I was pretty mad. The only problem was, I had forgotten that I was logged into your account from the night before, not mine. I also didn't know that your boss was your facebook friend. 

When I got home that night and realized my mistake, I erased your facebook status and cleaned up the emails from your inbox so you wouldn't know, but Mr. McBossPants had already seen it. That explains the overly warm welcome you got at work the next day. I'm really sorry about that. This also explains why Fuluquethra broke up your relationship over facebook and has refused to talk to you about it.

Overall, I want you to know that I think this has been a valuable learning experience. You've made me a better person, and I'm making a lot of changes. 

Things I understand now:

1. If I want to spend time with you, I should just say so. If you don't want to spend time with me, it gives you an opportunity to tell me no, but if I didn't ask for consent in the first place, it's difficult to restrict it. 
2. Even if you are interested and want me to learn about you, you'd want me to learn about you from YOU. 
3. It's not okay to express any kind of future commitment.... I can't expect anything beyond that date three days from now, and even the date is up for question. Your plans next semester, next year, and beyond are none of my business. 
4. I really appreciate what you told me two weeks ago... About how all was NOT fair in love and war, but someone always gets screwed over. I understand now that the noble thing to do is not to craft situations to my advantage so that you'll be most likely to fall for me, but simply to relax, be myself, let you decide, and respect that decision. This means that when you decide to date someone else, I should give up and leave you both alone. 
5. You're allowed to screw up your own life, too. If you go for someone I don't approve of, that's your right, and none of my business. 
6. The fact that I have feelings for you doesn't mean you have feelings for me. Nor do the strength of my feelings guarantee that someday you'll come around.
7. Things that mess with people's feelings don't make for good jokes. Also, a prank is not a good way to simultaneously vent my feelings and hide them. 

Things I promise to do in the future:

1. Keep written track of my dreams so that I can remember what you did and did not say
2. Not keep building friendships with people that surround you
3. Not to steal passwords or install hidden keyloggers on your laptop
4. Not to riffle through garbage. Don't keep cool things I like that you didn't want anymore. Don't display them in my living room.
5. Don't ask for information I can find online
6. Don't give gifts to people that you know and care about but who don't know and care about me

I'm confessing all the little details because I know that once you feel your privacy has been violated, it's easy for your imagination to go wild wondering what else I might have done. This is exactly everything, more or less.

I understand now that stalking is a terrible, socially inappropriate activity. Hypothetically, a fitting punishment for someone who has stalked someone else and destroyed their life is beyond having their car windows smashed in, tires slashed. Their identity should be stolen, like leaving their very personal info at a bus stop or something. It’s an offense deserving of flaming bags of manure on the back porch, just for starters. Not that I’m recommending any of this, and I know you wouldn’t… I’m just sympathizing. I want you to know that I really understand your frustration. 

I wanted to let you know that it's not necessary to finish filling out the paperwork for the restraining order. I'll be careful to stay away from you in the future, and will check up on you periodically to make sure that I won't even run into you accidentally. 

Lastly, I apologize for hacking into your facebook account and re-adding myself as your friend so I could tag you in this note, but it was truly pivotal that you see it and have an opportunity to respond. I hope you understand. 

I want you to know that you've had a huge impact on me, and I will never forget you. I hope that someday we'll all be able to look back on this and laugh. 

All my heart,

[All of us (to a lesser degree, perhaps) at some point]

Self-Destructive Habits

I have a message for the people I know, not all of you will relate but most of you will be able to pick out a person in your mind who fits this criteria. 

The topic is self-destructive habits. 

If you are constantly digging yourself into a hole, or doing things that you know will not turn out in your favor then you may be contaminated with self-destructive habits. 

I have been asking myself one simple question lately:

Why do I do the things I do, or Why do I live the way I live?

I consider myself to be a fairly logical person, so when I realized there were many things I do for no apparent reason it caused me to look at my life in a new fashion. 

I myself do indeed have self destructive habits, as do most human beings. 

I continually don't allow myself to succeed.

I limit myself to not achieve any of my goals because in my mind I don't think I can.

I am afraid of failure, but all that gets me is failure. 

I encourage everyone who reads this to ask yourself this same question. 

If your life is bleak and unchanging then fix it. 

I am a strong believer that the only thing that limits us in this life is ourself. 

How much more could we accomplish in this life if after every time you aspired to do something you didn't immediately follow with thoughts of denial, telling yourself it isn't possible or you can't do that. 

I found this list today. Read it. 

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/15-ways-20-somethings-ruins-their-twenties/

I know it says for people in their twenties, but really anyone at any age could follow this advice. 

"Authentic happiness isn't something that we can go out and get, beg, borrow, or steal, it is only something that we can be, and it is a choice we make with every breath we take."

Life is up to us to live. 

Your definition of living will be different than mine, but be true to your own definition. 

Independence Day

Every once in a while I have a moment of sheer brilliance and I shock every one around me with the knowledge I forcefully threw down on them, today was not one of those days however. 

My mind has not been up to par lately and today my lack of brain waves really sunk in.
My coworkers will attest when it comes to how slow my brain has been, unfortunately for them they also have to deal with all the very stupid comments that seep through my already thin filter.
...
I was looking at a calendar the other day and when I came across the finding of Independence day, my mind drew a blank. I had no idea what this independence day was. I then quickly laughed out loud and realized how dumb I was.
If only it ended there.
Later I was talking to my coworker and she said she was going to Mexico for the Fourth of July.
I immediately asked do they celebrate the fourth there?
For some reason this whole American independence day wasn't sinking in.
In my mind all I was asking was are there going to be fireworks in Mexico for the Fourth?

Sad.

In my very slow state I realized that all the fourth is to me is an excuse to blow stuff up.
After I realized this, I took a little bit of time to reflect on what my independence means to me.
So my high school We the People teacher doesn't behead me using his Nerf gun I will make an effort to express that the Fourth is more than blowing stuff up and looking at big shiny things while saying
ooooo and ahhhhhh.

Fourth of July is a time when people feel a real stride of patriotism run through their veins. It could just be from all the grilled meats, but I don't think so.
There is something about seeing a flag on this day that means something so much more.
For one day people don't think about how messed up our country is, they focus on how far our country has come since one simple act of throwing tea into the harbor.
Living in Utah, or not watching the news anymore, has made me love this country.
Everywhere else it seems like the sky is falling.
 A lot of people are a lot happier with a lot less than Americans have, and a lot of people work so hard for what our government freely hands out.
Our country can only be as good as what it is made of; us.

THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE. click on me. 

Gluten Free/Carnivore

This past week has been filled with everything but my favorite food group- carbs. 

I am now gluten free. 

That means no pasta, no bread, no cake, no cereal, no nothin.

I have literally had dreams of pasta; I miss it so much.

All I have been eating is salad, potatoes, and MEAT.

I love steak.

I am a carnivore. 

I have been since before I could walk. 

Meat was actually the inspiration for me to even start crawling. 

Like many of my other monumental stages in my life, my brother was there to help me along. 

He decided the most logical way to teach me to crawl was by sticking a yard stick in the back of my diaper and tying a piece of jerky to the end of it so that it dangled in front of me.

That was all the inspiration I needed. 

Off I was crawling. 

I feel so reassured that my brother is going to be a doctor.

When he sees someone who can't walk, he will simply hand them a yard stick and a bag of dried cow.

No other compares

All you need as a kid is a good friend. 

Well, it has been established I was a weird child, so when those friends weren't always around,

I made it work. 

One of my best childhood friends I can remember, was named Oreo:

We shared everything. Even my ice cream. 

He wasn't ours. 

Oh no. 

We are not dog people.

But we would have play dates. 

He would follow me everywhere, listen to my stories, and actually play with me. 

I don't know how hard it is for a dog to play the role of "dog" in the game of house though. 

He was the best dog ever! 

I miss this dog all the time. 

My heart has never loved another dog the way I loved Oreo.

In fact I don't think it has loved a dog at all. 

Oreo just kinda disappeared. I think the family that actually owned him moved away.

So we replaced him with a black and white cat named Miss Kitty....

Not as friendly... 

She is still alive, barely. 

I have decided that I will tell my children that I am allergic to all pets, including fish. 

All they do is latch on to your heart and then die. 

No fun at all.