Shoe Crimes

I don't know what my problem is but the first thing I notice about any man, woman, or living figure, are their shoes. 

Well maybe not the first thing. I probably notice their eyes first, then the shoes. 

Either way, men need to understand that their shoes DO say a lot about them. 

For example:

Yes these are comfortable, and a child in Africa will get a pair, but it really isn't worth it for the judgments placed on the boys that wear these. 

Even girls who wear these when there is three feet of snow outside are struggling. 

Have fun getting trench foot. 

I personally can't justify spending $60+ on a pair of "shoes" that I see everyone's toes falling out of. 

Just last night I was at the gym and I saw this guy working out, getting ripped, lifting some serious iron, you know the usual. 

I looked down and he is wearing TOMS. 

Really? 

I didn't say anything, for all I know he was in Africa without shoes and toms saved his life. So now he has decided to try a modeling career for urban outfitters. 

Good luck with that hipster.

I wouldn't be shocked if I saw him leave wearing a scarf and carrying a murse. 

Oh the New Balances 623s. Trusted since 1974! But also haven't changed since 1974.....

 These make a statement all by themselves. 

Whenever I see these shoes I immediately think of my dad. He had three different pairs of these exact shoes. One pair was green from mowing the lawn, and the other two were a little less warn down. 

My dad swore by these shoes, but if you are under the age of 50 I strongly encourage you to lock these up, burn them, or donate them to your local senior citizen home. 

I don't know what it is about male BYU students, especially, but it is daily that I see a young man with a button down shirt, nice slacks, and these shoes. 

NOT OK.

I get it if you are actually doing something active, like hunting wild beasts. 

But, this is 2012. We have reached the stage where we have running shoes that are attractive. 

I must admit though, when I see a BYU student wearing these I know he is a solid guy. Something about the white of the shoes just makes them seem more spiritual. 

IT IS FUNNY CAUSE IT IS TRUE.

I must admit, I am a sucker for a guy in Sperry's. 

They are so nautical.

These are simple yet classy. 

I'm a fan. 

I wear them myself and I love them. 

With the right pants, these look DAAANG good. 

However, the responsibility that comes with owning these shoes is quite big.

I suggest often staring out into the sky so people think you are trying to measure and enjoy the blueness, swaying as if you are on a rocky boat,constantly checking the direction of the wind, and carrying a mister so that you can experience the sea breeze in any location. 

I would have to say the absolute no no for a guy to wear are solid white Nike's. Every time I see a guy wearing them I instantly associate them with these wonderful people that have contributed so much to our society.

The rumor on the playground is that The Situation is in rehab somewhere around BYU. Everytime I go to Gold's Gym I look for him at the Tanning place next door. Sadly, I haven't been graced by his guido-ness.

I do get graced with many other real winners sporting these shoes. 

I guess my conclusion is stereotypes exist for a reason. If you don't want to be associated with them, then don't wear the same shoes as them.

THE END.